My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
