Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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