I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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