mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
