a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
