halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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