But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
