it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
