It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
