im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You are the jesus of drinking
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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