You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize