Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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