Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Your tits are I can't wait for
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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