There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
