So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
