hell yes lets make some ravioli
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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