someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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