he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
