Please, let me fuck your mom
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
