It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
