I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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