i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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