Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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