so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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