Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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