I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
