You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Randomize
