I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
