They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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