Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
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