I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Randomize
