Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
