Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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