there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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