ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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