From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
