Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I will pee on everything he values.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
