Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
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