i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
