ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
