I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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