i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize