im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
