What did we do last night that was yellow?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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