Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
