Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I forgot how hot balto sounded
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize