Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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