I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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