Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
