The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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