I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
BRING THE BAGELS
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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