My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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