The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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