We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
