1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Is it because I queefed?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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