Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
he was CRYING into my vagina
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
