I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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