I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
thus making me awesome and them whores
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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