dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
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