Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
