I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
