There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
