Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
