6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
