Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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