I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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