then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize