i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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