how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
