Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
