One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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