People in love make me want to vomit
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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